it has been one year since i got my dream job – that is to be part of the newspaper. apparently, i have been very vocal about this dream and i realized it only when people i know on facebook would congratulate me upon learning that i now work for the newspaper. they even know that i never wanted to be a reporter but a research assistant! their reactions are all just variations of “wow! isn’t that your dream job? congrats!” and “good for you, you got your dream job!” amazing.
but here’s a thing about dreams. sometimes, a dream can seem so perfect that even though you are aware of the possible imperfections you overlook them when you’re just dreaming about the dream, the dream becomes your only goal, your salvation from whatever discomfort, sadness or incompleteness that you feel. then one day you’ll get it and as days pass it will surprise you how it makes you feel more uneasy, lonely and empty. you wait, three, six months, and then a year and somehow you still feel lost. and you find yourself thinking, hey! isn’t this the dream? or maybe it just was?
on my first anniversary with my previous job, i was this lost because i was pondering on how i can change the world through writing/editing articles on china’s production industry. i got as far as two years and 10 months as an editor and i know it could have stretched only as far as the next job offer elsewhere because things just don’t feel right then.
i have the same feeling with my job now. not that i am currently looking for a new job already. honestly, i couldn’t ask for anything more. it’s a stable job, the people are nice, the office is near my house. i should really be happy and i do think i am. but somehow i feel that i don’t belong here.
now all i can think about is how ready i am for another break on another dream – that is to be a stay-home wife and mother. we’ll see how i’d feel when i get this dream. hopefully this is one dream that will not just temporarily save me. maybe this is really THE dream.