diseased

friday again. according to the working-week pattern, i should be high by now. in fact, i should have been feeling so since monday, right after finding out what’s on my to-do list for the rest of the week.

and as if having the freest five days ever is not enough, my personal life had also been blessed with rainbows – happy, light and colorful moments, which, mind you, i don’t remember having for some time. i’ve been laughing so hard lately as if my heart would stop beating and my lungs would collapse. i’ve been able to stay calm and cool on times when i would naturally brat away. i was mature and in control and everything i so wanted to be. i could not and do not have anything more to ask for.

but now, i am strangely the lonely-girl-for-no-apparent-reason again. i have no perfect explanations on why i feel so tired. but i am as drained as i had been when there were i-can’t-remember-how-many profiles to edit for three different verticals in a week, and i walk alone and go home to an empty room, and i barely eat meals and just make a world of my own or sleep the night away.

i don’t think this could be due to my right leg that has been aching for two weeks now. or the futsal that would have to wait until the friday after the camsur trip. or the crying sessions over grey’s anatomy that ended two nights ago.

i guess the happiness, the lightness and the colors simply faded as all rainbows and moments do. and now i am plagued by sadness once more. maybe this is just how my life goes. as they say, if you can’t find solutions, you don’t have any problems – it’s just reality.

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