i hear your name and i fall into pieces.
yes, i usually get teary-eyed with just the sound of your name. and for more than eight months now, i’ve been very good at crying inside. because we often talk about you. everyday casual conversations would sometimes bring you in naturally. during those times, i always picture myself holding my heart; protecting it. do not cry. i wouldn’t even dare look into her eyes. because i’m afraid that i’ll see through her. and know her inner battle just to have the strength to say your name. i think about her, and i clasp my heart with even greater will. do not cry.
i realized that i have been sporting a don’t-feel kind of stance since. and even now, i still can’t promise you the day when i will face your memory with my heart unguarded.
my vow, however, is that there will be no tears from me on your birthday. only smiles and wonderful recollection of the moments we shared.
today, my heart is miraculously light. i will not grieve over your absence. i will just think about how blessed i am that you were born and became my friend.
i miss you. have a happy birthday.