i was watching (yep. watching. like a movie.) you last night and this morning – from the time you grabbed my shoulder from the back while i was walking along metropolis to the time you left me at the bus terminal. and i realized how a day (so far) of living alone (and working) has changed you.
you seemed more responsible and independent, and in control. like a man. for the first time, i realized you do have a mind of your own. hehe. during the time that we were together, i miraculously became the girl. not the big boss or the brat. i was just a girl.
i wish my fingers could follow my train of thoughts so i can show you what i saw. but my mind is really running so fast. damn. imagine an 18-hour movie in my head. replaying over and over. snippets popping here and there.
but really. you were different. but it was still you. i did not feel you were a stranger. save for that one moment.
when i curled up in your bed.
and cried like a baby on your pillow.
because it was the moment of realization. you were no longer that boy i painted in my memory.
i cried neither because i was offended by what you did (and did not do) and by what you said (and did not say), nor was it because i wanted that boy back.
i cried because i was overwhelmed by the man that you’ve become. that kind of transformation in just one night? wtf.
but i did not tell you that because i was afraid telling you about it would make you feel like a stranger to your new self.
i opted to watch you. and to share secret smiles with myself when i saw you doing things i never thought you would do (like cleaning the bathroom, bothering to pick up fallen hairs on the floor and flush them in the toilet bowl, hanging your clothes and arranging them by type, separating your used clothes in separate plastic bags depending on the type and color. imagine how oc you can be. hehe.)
i am looking forward to watching you again tomorrow. i’ll see if you would start fixing your bed, too. hehe.